so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
