My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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