I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
