i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
