spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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