I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
