When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
