I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
