Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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