She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
