How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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