I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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