Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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