And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
