Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
