you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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