look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
