Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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