Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
