were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
