it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
