I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
