I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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