That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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