says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
