did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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