I must be too annoying 4 u.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
