she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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