You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
