Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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