I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
