just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
