yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
