So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
