so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
