Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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