we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
