DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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