allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
