I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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