i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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