No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
