Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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