I just made out with a guy for $7.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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