Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
