you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
These tits shall not be calmed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
