Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
