It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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