Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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