So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
