Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
