You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
